I Want To Be A Stripper

I want to be a stripper.
Why?
Because I want to say "fuck you" to the patriarchy.

How?
Well, while I sip champagne with those corporate idiots and do some cheorgraphed dance on stage with little to no clothing on I am stealing their thousands that they earn from their big city job daddy got them, or they had earned from taking advantage of the ninety-nine percent working class that my parents and my parents' parents have not been able to escape since birth.

Do I have 'Daddy' issues?
My mother has been a single-mother for many years but has raised me well. You can choose to believe this but it doesn't surprise me if you don't. How would a 'two-parent household' raise their daughter to not be a feminist, stripper-wannabe delinquent? You tell me because I honestly wouldn't know. If my parents had stayed together I strongly believe it would have made me far more fucked up. Having only been raised by one parent mostly I feel more opened up to the world and reality. For that I am thankful and this decision has nothing to do with my mother’s morals or parenting.

Will I feel comfortable with taking my clothes off in front of strangers?
Well, I would classify my ex of two and a half years as basically a stranger now and he has seen me naked. Why wouldn't I? It's just a body. Heaven forbid revealing my oversexualised tits and a$$ for all to see. Guess what? I shouldn't care and I don't.

The thing is I simply find it satisfyingly brilliant that the film student who wears no makeup, docs and baggy clothes with the loud 'weird' music who yells back at guys harassing her on the street will probably walk right passed the men in the business suits who are off to their evil corporate job probably look down on that girl with disapproval. They probably think "oh here we go! She'll never get a man looking like that. I wouldn’t fuck her. I doubt anyone I know would fuck her" with disgust. While that girl is by night stealing all of his easy money that he stupidly throws at strip joints and most likely white collar drugs just like his father before him. This is what drives me. This is what excites me.

I'm taking care of myself now.
My interview is Tuesday.

A lotta Love.

I don't understand it. I wish I did but I don't. Is it a chemical? An illusion? only for those who are 'pure' or 'worthy'? Love between two people seems so rare. Especially at age eighteen. Yes, I am quite aware of my youth which should leave me not making such huge assumptions about love but from what I have gathered everyone is in love with someone who is in love with someone else. Everyone looks forward to what they want without looking back to what wants them. Even when we do there is no guarantee we will want what we see staring at us with desperate longing eyes because it's far too similar to what we see in ourselves.

We only accept the love we deserve
Yes, I do believe this to a point but when in love recieving isn't the issue, but rather giving all this love to someone and them accepting it and then maybe there will be some return. But if there is no love to give in the first place when starting it with someone in love with you then in a way you are catering to their desires of showering love upon you while you feel numb. Okay, I admit it. I am talking of feelings only I probably posses. But currently my feeling is hopelessness.

I am finally coming to terms with the fact that love is not everything it's talked up to be. Being a hopeless romantic this is incredibly difficult for me. I would do absolutely anything for about ten different people as I see how beautiful and wonderful they all are and deserve everything and nothing less. I also hate them all for making me feel this way and hope they all die in a house fire for being such arrogant hormonal driven inconsiderate scumbags.

After all this love I have given over the years I am left with nothing but failed tests due to lost time dwelling on said beautiful people, debt that has been the result of many quick fix therapy sessions of spending money recklessly and though tremendously corny- a broken heart that feels beyond repair. Some say at least I have the memories I say, in response "shut the fuck up you are really not helping my situation. Thanks a lot buddy, now I'm going to drunk dial one of said people tonight which I will of course regret".

I used to never want to get over the love and true affection I felt for a person, hoping that one day they may return my affections and we would be truly happy together indefinitely and I would feel the pure happiness felt in my first relationship during the early days. But now I know that those feelings will never return and were probably all a lie or confusion from the other party involved and I was never loved by someone I was loving. Now knowing that I just want to say fuck you to my ex boyfriend of two years. I hope your death is fire related and extremely painful as you truly are an awful human being. Please forgive me for still being in love with you. I must be incredilby delusional and mentally unstable.

The Pressures of Being Eighteen

I feel like this is the time where the memories are made. The ones I look back on when I'm old and think "how satasfying was my life?" so I feel this constant pressure to go out and 'live', getting up to all the things I proabably shouldn't but lead to fantastic stories. Yet there is also the overwhelming stress of making the right decisions for my future. Do I stay at university and get a degree that may be regarded as irrelevant in the real world? Do I drop out? If so, what then? Balancing both of these is wearing me down. The worst part is that my number of years of life now suggest that I need to start being more independent.

There is no one telling me what to do anymore or pre requisites that garrantee me to a successful life anymore. The whole thing is rather frightening. So in response to this I have made the decision to move down to Dunedin in hopes that it will somehow bring some certainty to my place in the world and yes, I know this could dramatically fail. At this point I honestly don't care.

THIS YEAR:

The number of boys who have kissed me affectionately on the forehead
(after something of the romantic sort has happened between us): 8 in total

The amount of guys who have more than something physical from me
(such as my beautiful soul): 0 in total

"Just read the signals"? Don't be ridiculous

My Vital Routine after a 'Night Out'

Step 1:
Manage to stumble my way in through the door
but not without misplacing my steps at least
several times

Step 2:
Strip down completely to reveal my newly
shaven moisturised untouched body

Step 3:
Look for something to sleep in and have a small
melancholic episode over an ex's shirt that I have
just discovered and triggers feeling of complete
and utter loneliness
Step 4:
Try rid body of my deep routed sadness with
frantic masturbation

Step 5:
Achieve happiness for only a few seconds then
resume feeling miserable

Step 6:
Cry tears of confusion from the drunk heartbroken
state I am currently in

Step 7:
Curl up in my empty bed and fall asleep to the
voice of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca whilst
sobbing hopelessly

Lessons I've learnt from First Relationships

A few months ago I split from my first long term boyfriend. After all that time he turned out to be a dick. Saying that I turned out to be a bitch.

 "Are you sure you don't just want to be friends?"
"Of course! I love you! I just can't stand being with you for long periods of time, disapprove of all your life decisions and would rather be doing something else when we have sex."

First relationships are the hardest, especially so young. You are laughing with a babin' guy at a party and before you know it you are constantly attached to this other human despite the activity and for the most part you really don't mind and even prefer it. What is this witchery?! Love? Haha, don't be ridiculous! You are experiencing co-dependency! Maybe love too if you are really lucky (told you I was cynical). This co-dependency was the very thing that fuelled the last remaining ashes of my last relationship and it is only with true happiness do I see them floating away.

The question I used to always myself is how did it go from us being crazy about each other to bitter and unable to stop the other from heart-break. Only recently having finally moved on have I been able to take a step back and question my judgement. The inevitable mistakes:

Selfishness is sadly inevitable. You may not be selfish as a person but sadly at some point during your first relationship you will be. You will put your needs before the other person because all you can see is you needing them. It's understandable but very hard to see yourself doing.

Losing sight of the fact that your other half is a person too. Yes, you know he is breathing and functioning but they also are only human and no matter how much they love you they have their own opinions and thoughts and make their own mistakes. It's up to you what you are willing to put up with of course

How this comes about:
Finally there is someone who cares enough about you to do almost anything for your happiness. It's very hard not to get carried away in that concept. When you have love and attention on drip why not use it? Well, it wears down your other half to the point where they snap. Thus, the transformation into douchebag commences.

There are also many inevitable problems to first relationships like not knowing what you want yet because usually you haven't fully grown into the person you are going to be. Personally, there was always this "what if" fear for me since I had never properly been with anyone else. As you can read from the rest of my blog that has changed. Does this mean I am able to be in a relationship and live happily ever after? Probably not. Do I want to live happily ever after with the man of my dreams? Honestly, no. At least not right now. I think that to appreciate happiness we have to undergo some degree of suffering. I also believe to grow as a person it is something you must do alone.

I know there are exceptions to everything I have stated but this is what is seen through my eyes on this subject. If long term relationships while you are young is completely for you without question then go for it. I'll be the bitter girl dressed in all black with shades on hiding my loneliness forever in the corner of your eye becoming the disapproving onlooker that haunts your happiness indefinitely.

Jus' kidding I'm completely fine! Almost. Gotta go watch GIRLS and eat a block of chocolate. I sincerely have absolutely no regrets with my life decisions!

Rejection and my level of smoothness

"Sooo, I like you! I have no idea what I expect from telling you but I have anyway in hopes it will figure itself out! What's that? I've just embarrassed myself by expressing my true feelings to the person I am currently swooning over? Sorry, my bad I really don't understand how this works."

What I am about to share with you is a big reason to why I don't have my name on this blog as it is truly embarrassing but here goes! The first guy I had slept with after my ex I developed a HUGE crush on. I absolutely hate it when people suggest that 'sex means something', don't get me wrong the sex was great but that really isn't it. I didn't expect anything from him after it and there certainly wasn't a connection felt. It was more about me finding out he is utterly and completely my type.

I knew he was physically (no shit, that's why we banged) but he was funny, nice and liked decent films and music?? I simply couldn't handle. After getting out of an all girls school and serious long relationship and meeting this guy and knowing I had him before, he was good in bed and all the other things I mentioned... That set me off on this weird infatuation for him. Just to clarify I didn't want a relationship I just wanted him. I wanted someone I could fuck to awesome music and have hangs now and then and talk about good films. Is that a boyfriend? I don't even know anymore. After the pressures of being a girlfriend it wasn't something I wanted to return to. I just wanted something casual. But still, I wanted him and it was all I could think about which brings us to the next part of this sad mess

Having mutual friends I knew we would both be at a gathering coming up. I looked at it as a chance to get this behind me. I was totally crazy about this guy it was so stupid looking back on it! But I thought the best way to put my feelings behind me instead of wondering and longing is to just man up and tell him. Of course this did stop me from those two things but this does not have a happy ending. I talked to him on and off the whole night. He even greeted me with a kiss on the hand! Mixed signals much buddy?! Nothing seemed to be happening and to be completely honest I wanted the night to end in either his bed or mine.

I plucked up the courage and found him away from everyone else looking like a sad puppy but when I asked what was wrong he said he was fine of course. So this is when I asked to speak to him and took him over to the side. Now thinking back he was probably expecting me to tell him he had an STD or I was pregnant because when I announced my feelings he looked at me with a weird shocked expression on his face. He then told be he was going to be completely honest and said "I actually invited someone else here tonight". Yeah, he liked someone else. Awesome. And that folks is utter rejection. Then he kept thanking me and apologising. Oh god reliving this memory is nausiating but hopefully future me can laugh about it. Then we said we would be friends. Our friendship hasn't really gone past facebook friends which I used to get hung up on but now I don't give to much of a fuck about.

The worst part was the way he looked at me with true pitty in his eyes. So I responded by telling him I was fine! It just meant I could pursue Ryan Gosling now! Yes I actually said that and no he didn't find it funny he just continued to stare at me feeling sorry for me. Worst part is we talked for about half an hour straight after I 'expressed myself' and actually got on quite well which really didn't help. I thought I would feel better after and at least I would move on and all that bullshit but in all honesty I moped around and wallowed constantly for about a good two months. I kid you not. I'm bad with boys and infatuations are dangerous when it comes to me.

Knowing this dreadful story maybe it can make you feel better about any rejection you have gotten! But yes I am quite alright with the fact that we will never happen again. Just between you and me whenever I see him online on facebook I pull the finger at the screen. Judge all you want but I'm all for doing what makes you happy.

Boys Boys Boys - Casual intercoursing

"Am I misreading these signals or can we just have sex already?"

Oh yes sure! It's so easy for girls to get action! That is if she wants to sleep with either someone who:

-Can't ever get laid
which might have reasons behind like lack of showering, ambition and still thinks it is acceptable to wear crocs. Plus you probably aren't the right person to be taking his V-card since you are only looking for something casual. Personally I am done with crying men in the bedroom unless he is Ryan Gosling in which case, "there there Ryan. I'm here." Trust me ladies you can do better than this and deserve to feel wooed.

-gets laid a bit too much.
I'm fine with casual sex or promiscuity if you will but there is a limit. If he isn't washing in between girls and may have many undiagnosed STD's he is a candidate that is well worth avoiding. He may also be inclined to treating women as he would whores, knowing he can get them so easily which doesn't really do me much favors in the bedroom (haha literally).

OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS (Although not many. Sorry guys)

Now, being single and happily at that I wish to remain single but of course everyone needs loving. Let's ignore the happy couples turning their noses up at casual sex and commence with this confusing but very exciting adventure!

I'm not going to lie. It is a hard game out there. Everyone thinks it is so easy until they actually start pursuing guys who they could possibly sleep with. I was one of those people in my cosy relationship bubble looking out thinking I could do a better job. Bullshit. I ended up finding a solution to my lack of lays by getting my best friend's boyfriend to send his good looking friends my way knowing exactly what I wanted. Honestly, at first it was awesome. I was getting all the satisfaction I wanted from quality guys who knew I didn't want a relationship and didn't expect one from me.

However, all good things have to come to an end and it wasn't so fun when I attended a gathering that included well over half of all the guys I have ever slept with. Okay, there were only two there but it was still incredibly awkward as I watched them hang out and dance to bands together happily having banged both of them. I don't know what would have been worse, them having no idea that the girl sitting in the corner has bedded them both or knowing this fact and bonding over it.

I have now left those days behind of making my way around that group when I feel any sexual frustration (I think) and am ready to fend for myself! So far my success rate is a zero but I am going for quality remember. I hate this idea ignorant people have in their head of casual sex. No, I will not sleep with anybody I do have standards like most people but instead of wanting to marry them I want to sex them up.

Being new to this game, when meeting a beautiful boy the other night I truly didn't know what to do with myself. I was in a bar dancing and so was he and terribly my type yet I couldn't do anything. This left my friend/wingman to push me into him which made him immediately interested. Would you believe it if I told you that move has worked before? But that’s a story for another time. Anyway, we hooked up and he was just too damn great for me to handle. Then he asked for my number which was something I really wasn't used to! Friends of friends never bothered with that sort of thing I was lucky if I got an accepted facebook friend request. He then got dragged off home so it unfortunately didn't end with me in his bed.

Now the real question is how to get there! If you think the answer is simple you are wrong. Text him "come in to my bed now"? Yeah then what do I do when he gets here? I wish there was a guidebook for casual hook-ups and don't try give me your relationship tips about "wait till he contacts you first" blah blah it's a whole other playing field. Though I do believe it is all a bit easier when under the influence of alcohol so if you would excuse me if believe it's time for my midnight glass of wine which will then lead to some confident booty calling.

What are you compensating for, beautiful person?!

"Let me get this straight. You are incredibly good looking, funny, intelligent and nice? You clearly must be a psychopath. Or you were a chubby kid? Otherwise this really just doesn't make sense."

I think it's a pretty well known that beautiful people can get away with, and do lack personality, humour and other straits that the rest of us hold dearly hoping that good looking guy/girl will notice and appreciate them, hopefully separating us from the rest.

To be completely honest it's not their fault for not being witty or clever since 'we' are telling them day in and out their looks are all they need since (sorry fellow nerds) they do get you higher in life. I've always known this but it never really came to my attention that beautiful people tend to seem less dense. Then the rest of us until one of my favourite men of the ol' YouTube made this video about the advantages of being ugly and how it can push you to compensate with wit, intelligence and just being a more all-rounded person in general. His name is Khyan and if I could run away with him I would do so happily.

Khyan's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfAWmMvn-mg

Now, onto whom this article is about! It is about a boy but you can't accuse me of hitting on him because:
1. He would most likely never come across this blog and if he did I doubt it would hold his attention for long enough to figure it out.
2. There is no way for him to know it's me as he doesn't know me that well so could never figure out my identity
3. He has a girlfriend! I think? And I am no home-wrecker thank you very much!

Great hopefully you now know my intentions are not self-centred.

So I have always seen Mr. Babewitt around work but never really spoken to him as he is a beautiful person and I stay far away from guys like that in fear of getting pigs blood poured on me at prom. It wasn't until we had the same break and he was sitting in the staff room with two blonde girls who tend to avoid me (I don't think I'm too hip). I was sitting there staring into space trying to zone out while they were chatting away telling him they knew his brother and had been over to his house and saw his room but noticed it didn't have a bed in it. This led them to the question
"But why don't you have a bed?? Where do you sleep then???"
In which he replied "I don't sleep I wait."
In a dark monotone voice and so perfectly executed I couldn't help but burst out laughing. The girls sat in silence not fully understanding what just happened. I thought I would be ridiculed for eavesdropping but he just turned to me and cheekily smiled then turned back to them to say "She gets it". That was the day I started to notice what an amazing human he was.

He is also nice and friendly to EVERYONE, has a ridiculously positive attitude and is finishing up a degree that he can openly brag about because he is doing so well in it. But how does a person become this freaking amazing? I just cannot settle for him just 'being like that'. His parents must be either the most wonderful people to have every existed or he had a horrible rash all over his face when growing up that then magically disappeared when he turned 18.


I don't understand you Mr. Babewitt but help me understand you! I was a funny looking chubby kid so I was then able to develop an awesome sense of humour, read a lot instead of having friends and have to make friends by being nice to them.

I am pretty happy with who I turned out being. I lost most of the weight and now I am a normal looking person with a super rad personality. Which then can cause me to be quite critical towards others personalities and I even dare I say it, make fun of beautiful people quite frequently for being so bland. I even avoid some beautiful people like the plague thinking if I end up in a conversation it will feel like I'm wasting my life away having gained absolutely nothing. Babewitt has now made me realised to give these beauties a chance as they might just surprise you. Hopefully it won't be with pigs blood this time but just to be safe only put this into practice after high school.

About Me (But not)

Hi there! Nice to meet you!

Usually I am horrible with introductions but hopefully that wasn't too painful.

Now, lets get some things straight. Lucy Vera is a pseudonym but yes if you try very hard and meet a few people (like myself) you could possibly figure it out. Or you could read through my blog and get to know my darkest secrets only to meet me and have no idea who I am. Isn't this all exciting?

Why a pseudonym?
Well, since I am giving you an inside view of my life and mind I found it a bit too personal so this is for my own protection from stranger facebook requests and cute guys not disappearing on me if they find this and have my life story and thoughts thrown into their face a little too soon. Also it won't just be me that I am discussing. Though I may seem that narcissistic unfortunately when the company spent is my own it sadly makes my life less interesting. Plus these people I mostly care about and they wouldn't want their privacy breached in any sense which I fully respect.

What is so private?
EVERYTHING. Kids, you will know a hell of a lot about me within the next months. I am slightly intimidated by this but I have come to the conlusion that I need a place for venting my thoughts and feelings plus I am just too damn interesting for no one to write about. But since there were no volunteers I gave myself the honour. Most importantly I think there are things that need to be said that some people just aren't addressing and it frustrates me.

Warning
I am crude, bitter and cynical. Yes, I will be talking about sex, alcohol, drugs and crying in the shower. I will say anything and please excuse my grapic nature I'm just a single young thing trying to make it in the world and hopefully entertain and resist punching annoying ignorrant dickhead in the ear along the way. I know what you're probably thinking, "who punches in the ear?" but Edward Norton does so I shall follow suit.