THIS YEAR:

The number of boys who have kissed me affectionately on the forehead
(after something of the romantic sort has happened between us): 8 in total

The amount of guys who have more than something physical from me
(such as my beautiful soul): 0 in total

"Just read the signals"? Don't be ridiculous

My Vital Routine after a 'Night Out'

Step 1:
Manage to stumble my way in through the door
but not without misplacing my steps at least
several times

Step 2:
Strip down completely to reveal my newly
shaven moisturised untouched body

Step 3:
Look for something to sleep in and have a small
melancholic episode over an ex's shirt that I have
just discovered and triggers feeling of complete
and utter loneliness
Step 4:
Try rid body of my deep routed sadness with
frantic masturbation

Step 5:
Achieve happiness for only a few seconds then
resume feeling miserable

Step 6:
Cry tears of confusion from the drunk heartbroken
state I am currently in

Step 7:
Curl up in my empty bed and fall asleep to the
voice of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca whilst
sobbing hopelessly

Lessons I've learnt from First Relationships

A few months ago I split from my first long term boyfriend. After all that time he turned out to be a dick. Saying that I turned out to be a bitch.

 "Are you sure you don't just want to be friends?"
"Of course! I love you! I just can't stand being with you for long periods of time, disapprove of all your life decisions and would rather be doing something else when we have sex."

First relationships are the hardest, especially so young. You are laughing with a babin' guy at a party and before you know it you are constantly attached to this other human despite the activity and for the most part you really don't mind and even prefer it. What is this witchery?! Love? Haha, don't be ridiculous! You are experiencing co-dependency! Maybe love too if you are really lucky (told you I was cynical). This co-dependency was the very thing that fuelled the last remaining ashes of my last relationship and it is only with true happiness do I see them floating away.

The question I used to always myself is how did it go from us being crazy about each other to bitter and unable to stop the other from heart-break. Only recently having finally moved on have I been able to take a step back and question my judgement. The inevitable mistakes:

Selfishness is sadly inevitable. You may not be selfish as a person but sadly at some point during your first relationship you will be. You will put your needs before the other person because all you can see is you needing them. It's understandable but very hard to see yourself doing.

Losing sight of the fact that your other half is a person too. Yes, you know he is breathing and functioning but they also are only human and no matter how much they love you they have their own opinions and thoughts and make their own mistakes. It's up to you what you are willing to put up with of course

How this comes about:
Finally there is someone who cares enough about you to do almost anything for your happiness. It's very hard not to get carried away in that concept. When you have love and attention on drip why not use it? Well, it wears down your other half to the point where they snap. Thus, the transformation into douchebag commences.

There are also many inevitable problems to first relationships like not knowing what you want yet because usually you haven't fully grown into the person you are going to be. Personally, there was always this "what if" fear for me since I had never properly been with anyone else. As you can read from the rest of my blog that has changed. Does this mean I am able to be in a relationship and live happily ever after? Probably not. Do I want to live happily ever after with the man of my dreams? Honestly, no. At least not right now. I think that to appreciate happiness we have to undergo some degree of suffering. I also believe to grow as a person it is something you must do alone.

I know there are exceptions to everything I have stated but this is what is seen through my eyes on this subject. If long term relationships while you are young is completely for you without question then go for it. I'll be the bitter girl dressed in all black with shades on hiding my loneliness forever in the corner of your eye becoming the disapproving onlooker that haunts your happiness indefinitely.

Jus' kidding I'm completely fine! Almost. Gotta go watch GIRLS and eat a block of chocolate. I sincerely have absolutely no regrets with my life decisions!