Rejection and my level of smoothness

"Sooo, I like you! I have no idea what I expect from telling you but I have anyway in hopes it will figure itself out! What's that? I've just embarrassed myself by expressing my true feelings to the person I am currently swooning over? Sorry, my bad I really don't understand how this works."

What I am about to share with you is a big reason to why I don't have my name on this blog as it is truly embarrassing but here goes! The first guy I had slept with after my ex I developed a HUGE crush on. I absolutely hate it when people suggest that 'sex means something', don't get me wrong the sex was great but that really isn't it. I didn't expect anything from him after it and there certainly wasn't a connection felt. It was more about me finding out he is utterly and completely my type.

I knew he was physically (no shit, that's why we banged) but he was funny, nice and liked decent films and music?? I simply couldn't handle. After getting out of an all girls school and serious long relationship and meeting this guy and knowing I had him before, he was good in bed and all the other things I mentioned... That set me off on this weird infatuation for him. Just to clarify I didn't want a relationship I just wanted him. I wanted someone I could fuck to awesome music and have hangs now and then and talk about good films. Is that a boyfriend? I don't even know anymore. After the pressures of being a girlfriend it wasn't something I wanted to return to. I just wanted something casual. But still, I wanted him and it was all I could think about which brings us to the next part of this sad mess

Having mutual friends I knew we would both be at a gathering coming up. I looked at it as a chance to get this behind me. I was totally crazy about this guy it was so stupid looking back on it! But I thought the best way to put my feelings behind me instead of wondering and longing is to just man up and tell him. Of course this did stop me from those two things but this does not have a happy ending. I talked to him on and off the whole night. He even greeted me with a kiss on the hand! Mixed signals much buddy?! Nothing seemed to be happening and to be completely honest I wanted the night to end in either his bed or mine.

I plucked up the courage and found him away from everyone else looking like a sad puppy but when I asked what was wrong he said he was fine of course. So this is when I asked to speak to him and took him over to the side. Now thinking back he was probably expecting me to tell him he had an STD or I was pregnant because when I announced my feelings he looked at me with a weird shocked expression on his face. He then told be he was going to be completely honest and said "I actually invited someone else here tonight". Yeah, he liked someone else. Awesome. And that folks is utter rejection. Then he kept thanking me and apologising. Oh god reliving this memory is nausiating but hopefully future me can laugh about it. Then we said we would be friends. Our friendship hasn't really gone past facebook friends which I used to get hung up on but now I don't give to much of a fuck about.

The worst part was the way he looked at me with true pitty in his eyes. So I responded by telling him I was fine! It just meant I could pursue Ryan Gosling now! Yes I actually said that and no he didn't find it funny he just continued to stare at me feeling sorry for me. Worst part is we talked for about half an hour straight after I 'expressed myself' and actually got on quite well which really didn't help. I thought I would feel better after and at least I would move on and all that bullshit but in all honesty I moped around and wallowed constantly for about a good two months. I kid you not. I'm bad with boys and infatuations are dangerous when it comes to me.

Knowing this dreadful story maybe it can make you feel better about any rejection you have gotten! But yes I am quite alright with the fact that we will never happen again. Just between you and me whenever I see him online on facebook I pull the finger at the screen. Judge all you want but I'm all for doing what makes you happy.

Boys Boys Boys - Casual intercoursing

"Am I misreading these signals or can we just have sex already?"

Oh yes sure! It's so easy for girls to get action! That is if she wants to sleep with either someone who:

-Can't ever get laid
which might have reasons behind like lack of showering, ambition and still thinks it is acceptable to wear crocs. Plus you probably aren't the right person to be taking his V-card since you are only looking for something casual. Personally I am done with crying men in the bedroom unless he is Ryan Gosling in which case, "there there Ryan. I'm here." Trust me ladies you can do better than this and deserve to feel wooed.

-gets laid a bit too much.
I'm fine with casual sex or promiscuity if you will but there is a limit. If he isn't washing in between girls and may have many undiagnosed STD's he is a candidate that is well worth avoiding. He may also be inclined to treating women as he would whores, knowing he can get them so easily which doesn't really do me much favors in the bedroom (haha literally).

OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS (Although not many. Sorry guys)

Now, being single and happily at that I wish to remain single but of course everyone needs loving. Let's ignore the happy couples turning their noses up at casual sex and commence with this confusing but very exciting adventure!

I'm not going to lie. It is a hard game out there. Everyone thinks it is so easy until they actually start pursuing guys who they could possibly sleep with. I was one of those people in my cosy relationship bubble looking out thinking I could do a better job. Bullshit. I ended up finding a solution to my lack of lays by getting my best friend's boyfriend to send his good looking friends my way knowing exactly what I wanted. Honestly, at first it was awesome. I was getting all the satisfaction I wanted from quality guys who knew I didn't want a relationship and didn't expect one from me.

However, all good things have to come to an end and it wasn't so fun when I attended a gathering that included well over half of all the guys I have ever slept with. Okay, there were only two there but it was still incredibly awkward as I watched them hang out and dance to bands together happily having banged both of them. I don't know what would have been worse, them having no idea that the girl sitting in the corner has bedded them both or knowing this fact and bonding over it.

I have now left those days behind of making my way around that group when I feel any sexual frustration (I think) and am ready to fend for myself! So far my success rate is a zero but I am going for quality remember. I hate this idea ignorant people have in their head of casual sex. No, I will not sleep with anybody I do have standards like most people but instead of wanting to marry them I want to sex them up.

Being new to this game, when meeting a beautiful boy the other night I truly didn't know what to do with myself. I was in a bar dancing and so was he and terribly my type yet I couldn't do anything. This left my friend/wingman to push me into him which made him immediately interested. Would you believe it if I told you that move has worked before? But that’s a story for another time. Anyway, we hooked up and he was just too damn great for me to handle. Then he asked for my number which was something I really wasn't used to! Friends of friends never bothered with that sort of thing I was lucky if I got an accepted facebook friend request. He then got dragged off home so it unfortunately didn't end with me in his bed.

Now the real question is how to get there! If you think the answer is simple you are wrong. Text him "come in to my bed now"? Yeah then what do I do when he gets here? I wish there was a guidebook for casual hook-ups and don't try give me your relationship tips about "wait till he contacts you first" blah blah it's a whole other playing field. Though I do believe it is all a bit easier when under the influence of alcohol so if you would excuse me if believe it's time for my midnight glass of wine which will then lead to some confident booty calling.

What are you compensating for, beautiful person?!

"Let me get this straight. You are incredibly good looking, funny, intelligent and nice? You clearly must be a psychopath. Or you were a chubby kid? Otherwise this really just doesn't make sense."

I think it's a pretty well known that beautiful people can get away with, and do lack personality, humour and other straits that the rest of us hold dearly hoping that good looking guy/girl will notice and appreciate them, hopefully separating us from the rest.

To be completely honest it's not their fault for not being witty or clever since 'we' are telling them day in and out their looks are all they need since (sorry fellow nerds) they do get you higher in life. I've always known this but it never really came to my attention that beautiful people tend to seem less dense. Then the rest of us until one of my favourite men of the ol' YouTube made this video about the advantages of being ugly and how it can push you to compensate with wit, intelligence and just being a more all-rounded person in general. His name is Khyan and if I could run away with him I would do so happily.

Khyan's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfAWmMvn-mg

Now, onto whom this article is about! It is about a boy but you can't accuse me of hitting on him because:
1. He would most likely never come across this blog and if he did I doubt it would hold his attention for long enough to figure it out.
2. There is no way for him to know it's me as he doesn't know me that well so could never figure out my identity
3. He has a girlfriend! I think? And I am no home-wrecker thank you very much!

Great hopefully you now know my intentions are not self-centred.

So I have always seen Mr. Babewitt around work but never really spoken to him as he is a beautiful person and I stay far away from guys like that in fear of getting pigs blood poured on me at prom. It wasn't until we had the same break and he was sitting in the staff room with two blonde girls who tend to avoid me (I don't think I'm too hip). I was sitting there staring into space trying to zone out while they were chatting away telling him they knew his brother and had been over to his house and saw his room but noticed it didn't have a bed in it. This led them to the question
"But why don't you have a bed?? Where do you sleep then???"
In which he replied "I don't sleep I wait."
In a dark monotone voice and so perfectly executed I couldn't help but burst out laughing. The girls sat in silence not fully understanding what just happened. I thought I would be ridiculed for eavesdropping but he just turned to me and cheekily smiled then turned back to them to say "She gets it". That was the day I started to notice what an amazing human he was.

He is also nice and friendly to EVERYONE, has a ridiculously positive attitude and is finishing up a degree that he can openly brag about because he is doing so well in it. But how does a person become this freaking amazing? I just cannot settle for him just 'being like that'. His parents must be either the most wonderful people to have every existed or he had a horrible rash all over his face when growing up that then magically disappeared when he turned 18.


I don't understand you Mr. Babewitt but help me understand you! I was a funny looking chubby kid so I was then able to develop an awesome sense of humour, read a lot instead of having friends and have to make friends by being nice to them.

I am pretty happy with who I turned out being. I lost most of the weight and now I am a normal looking person with a super rad personality. Which then can cause me to be quite critical towards others personalities and I even dare I say it, make fun of beautiful people quite frequently for being so bland. I even avoid some beautiful people like the plague thinking if I end up in a conversation it will feel like I'm wasting my life away having gained absolutely nothing. Babewitt has now made me realised to give these beauties a chance as they might just surprise you. Hopefully it won't be with pigs blood this time but just to be safe only put this into practice after high school.

About Me (But not)

Hi there! Nice to meet you!

Usually I am horrible with introductions but hopefully that wasn't too painful.

Now, lets get some things straight. Lucy Vera is a pseudonym but yes if you try very hard and meet a few people (like myself) you could possibly figure it out. Or you could read through my blog and get to know my darkest secrets only to meet me and have no idea who I am. Isn't this all exciting?

Why a pseudonym?
Well, since I am giving you an inside view of my life and mind I found it a bit too personal so this is for my own protection from stranger facebook requests and cute guys not disappearing on me if they find this and have my life story and thoughts thrown into their face a little too soon. Also it won't just be me that I am discussing. Though I may seem that narcissistic unfortunately when the company spent is my own it sadly makes my life less interesting. Plus these people I mostly care about and they wouldn't want their privacy breached in any sense which I fully respect.

What is so private?
EVERYTHING. Kids, you will know a hell of a lot about me within the next months. I am slightly intimidated by this but I have come to the conlusion that I need a place for venting my thoughts and feelings plus I am just too damn interesting for no one to write about. But since there were no volunteers I gave myself the honour. Most importantly I think there are things that need to be said that some people just aren't addressing and it frustrates me.

Warning
I am crude, bitter and cynical. Yes, I will be talking about sex, alcohol, drugs and crying in the shower. I will say anything and please excuse my grapic nature I'm just a single young thing trying to make it in the world and hopefully entertain and resist punching annoying ignorrant dickhead in the ear along the way. I know what you're probably thinking, "who punches in the ear?" but Edward Norton does so I shall follow suit.